Back Again

I began this blog nearly two years ago when I was seriously exploring (and coming to terms with) my sexuality - and here I am again. How ridiculous is that? Such is life. This is where I'm at again - I've made some progress perhaps. Perhaps no. I was with a woman, whether I was willing to admit it or not, for nearly 9 years. Then one day I woke up a lesbian and went to bed with a crush on a man. A boy actually. He is 7 years my junior and 19.

Now is the part where you gasp, shake your head gravely, and judge me completely. It is your right as a member of the blogosphere.

So, I then put aside 9 years of love and intimacy to explore the world of the breeders. Pretty damned fantastic place BTW. Ya'll really clean up nice . . .

This puts me at today. I am now officially single - and not so much lovin' it. I dated the boy for 2 months (to the day) and now we're taking "space" and will re-evaluate in one months time. I find myself feeling like I should want to re-explore life with my K. and see if it is a gay/straight issue I'm dealing with, or really more of a secret/truth issue. K has come OUT since our breakup and she is happy and out and proud and living life. What if that was all that was missing? What if I'm not waffling between gay and straight - I just needed someone who didn't leave me physically starving? But my heart says I already know the answer, and it's not what she wants to hear. I don't know what to think . . . I'm a confused girl.

Now, the real reason I started this blog was to sharpen my writing skills. As cathartic and fulfilling as it is to talk about myself and my hopeless relationship drama, I really do want to hone my writing skills. It's just so much easier to write drivel and avoid any hint of skill or style. It's easier to ramble incoherently about myself and languish in the thought that dozens will reassure me that I'm wonderful and brilliant and interesting . . .

Enough for now. I'm clearly rusty. More soon. And more and more after that.